Ashley Renee'

So I need to vent somewhere, to anyone .. I really wish I had the courage to go to a random stranger and vent to them, I know its weird but.. . I just feel their judgment wouldn’t be jaded about me . . they would know nothing of my past or anything… I just hate the person that I have became over these past few years.. . I feel like I completely lost myself and I wish I could desperately find the reason behind it. . I lost my morals and everything I stood for diminished slowly and surely. I was such a firm believer that my body was something that should be shared with someone I could spend the rest of my life with , now I made my bed and I cannot lay in it. I’m so disappointed in myself and also my actions. . Even waking up some days are hard; or even when I’m laying down in the dark. I stare at the dark ceiling and I try to think of when I lost myself.. I’ve changed into a person that I could literally say I hate. . I am rarely happy , I’m so irritable its crazy.. even the wind blowing the wrong way could ruin my day… Life shouldn’t be like that its so short, why am I wasting it being un-happy ?.. . I’m not strong enough to leave the one person I thought would never hurt me alone. I let him have such control of my emotions it’s scary.. He’s not god , he doesn’t determine my faith. . So why can’t I just let go… I remember everyone used to know me as “happy” Ashley. . I used to love the girl that would always look on the optimistic side of things… I MISS BEING HAPPY, I’m tired of letting life walk right past me. . I wish for change and I hope change is searching for me as well .. because I need it right now . . more than I ever needed it before

Love Ash